Granted, there's some stuff on here that isn't nice. There's quite a bit I'm not proud of, and a lot of it isn't who I am anymore. At least, I try not to be that person anymore.

But the long and the short is, it's what got me to where I am now. Why should I be ashamed of who I am? So I put it back. This is my outlet, and I told myself long ago that I'd write more and be unashamed of it. I wasn't being true to either, so I had to change that.

This person who found this site was also giving me problems at work. Basically, he was trying to not just request work for me to do, which is kosher, but he was trying to specify the way in which it will be implemented, basically trying to take over telling me how to do my job. It became a constant bickering match, and it was all down to the fact that it was a petty political struggle that to him meant domination of our team, and for me meant just being able to work from day to day. Finally, he put in a ticket for an existing, trouble-free application stating that he wanted it rewritten in a way he specified for specious reasons.

Finally, I saw red and had enough. I was stressing over the bullshit at work too much, and decided I just wanted out. Game over. That's it. Something had to give.

The problem with politics at work is that there's winners and there's losers. It's the epitome of the zero-sum game, and I hate it for that. I go to work to work, expand myself, make a contribution and make a living for me and my family. Fair enough. But the thing is that it had come to a point where I could either walk away, or I could break his fucking back.

I opted for the latter.

A friend of mine told me that a job in our internal development group was opening up. He told me to have some gonads and just apply for it for a change, and I told him I would. There was a good chance that I could get the job, and with him and the top developer in their team talking me up, there was a good chance I'd could get the job.

I filled out the form to request a job change, and since my manager was out, I gave it to his boss. She was taken aback. "Do you really want to leave us?" she asked.

I nodded slowly. "Yeah. Yeah, I do."

She asked me why, so I laid it all out for her.

I learned a lot that day. I found out that other people had spoken to her about this person and nothing had happened, so it apparently takes something monumental to shake people out of letting things ride. I found out that my manager hadn't said anything to her about it, despite talking to him many times and his statements that he would talk to her to see what could be done. I learned that you can't be modest about your worth to a team or organization if you want to get what you deserve. Finally, I learned that if you have to play political games you have to use the power you have in a decisive way and not play games. Just do what you have to do and let the chips fall where they may.

A lot went down since then. I am getting an assistant to help me develop tools at least part-time, with assurances that it's not a replacement (I've gotten that assurance several times, from multiple levels of management). After an investigation by management the troublesome person has been shifted in responsibilities and offices out of an entirely different location. I should be taking on more responsibilities in my team as lead, so hopefully I can get some leadership experience, and I should be developing more systems and tools that are far-reaching.

It's not all peachy, though. Someone in management who is also friends with him is definitely against me now. He hasn't spoken to me since then. Some friends around here have been hassled about things that make me feel like they are repercussions. I am unsure if my manager is upset with me and this will cause me to have a bad review or not. Also, I applied for the position, anyway. I mean, I've been in this job five years. Isn't it time to just polish some interviewing skills and talk to the folks in that department to see what they do?

So with this, I am hoping that over time things will settle down and I'll get life back in order. Marilynn is going out of town for a while to train for her new job where she works, so I get an opportunity to get the geek room and the guest room squared away some and set up my computer and at least one of my Linux servers, and maybe even do something with the other server. Also, I have other chores that need to be done, so hopefully I can finish some of these things up.

One thing I plan to do is write more often. I don't get to write nearly as much as I want, and when things are on my mind, so maybe this will give me the opportunity to do so, because I've been wanting to get this entry out first. Finally, here it is. Let's hope it starts a trend!

restlessmind