I thought it odd that there wasn't a technical interview for a software developer, rather than just a one-on-one with the manager of the group. I think I would have done much better in a technical interview so I could demonstrate my analytical skills and knowledge, rather than a impromptu pick-up personal interview. In the end, though, I walked away from the meeting realizing that I'm not interested in a junior position and would turn it down if I was offered it. Also, it tells me what to do with my current job: stick it out, and if I become unhappy or it becomes endangered, find a new job. But the simple reality? For job growth, I'll have to look outside the company.

Well, today, the reality is fully realized: I was not offered the position. They chose another candidate.

While I realized that would likely be the case because I didn't have the background they wanted, I am somewhat bummed. I think it's because my horizons just shrank and I don't have an "out" around here. Also, it never feels good to be passed over. It makes me wonder if it was because they didn't even think I was fit for their junior position, a bad fit for the team, interviewed poorly, a bad person, smelled bad or what. I was led to believe that a friend of mine up there and the lead developer on the team "talked me up," but that didn't seem to matter (if it happened at all).

Sure, the trick is that my skill set isn't appreciated outside this team. I imagine he may have known that I am uninterested in writing data-entry apps for the web. Odds are, I'm paid a lot more than he would want to pay for either position. I need a place to work that allows me to be creative. But... it still hurts. I'm still The Loser™.

At least I'm not letting it get to me like I've let these things get to me before.

More drama is going on:

• Marilynn has gone to Florida for her training for work. Two weeks! I'm missing her a lot, even though I don't think she believes I am.
• At work they've instituted a new hurricane policy that effectively makes it impossible for an employee to evacuate. Marilynn thinks I am overreacting about it, but I can't help but think this is going to make life difficult. It's coming up in our team meeting Friday. I'll let you know. Depending on what they say, my job just might be endangered if we get a storm.
• My grandmother is trying to make drama. I don't have time for drama, I already have more than enough going on to have to deal with it. I am going to try to stem it tonight.

Never a break, huh?

On an up note, it is June 6, 2006. 6/6/06. Be careful, you might get darned to heck.

restlessmind