But for now, I am here, and I'm not dead (yet). I am plugging along at work despite the drama (note to everyone here — even if you think your friends at work are good-natured, don't tell them that one of your coworkers used a slur about their sexual orientation) with the same three Everclear songs on infinite repeat: "Sunshine (That Acid Summer)", "TV Show" and "Learning How to Smile". Largely depressing, but I don't know why. It goes with my mood.

Lately, I've been very snippy with Marilynn. I can tell it, but can't stop it. I have no idea what to do about this, but I'm doing my best. I have this deep, latent depression that will not let go, and I know ignoring it will make it worse. Listening to these songs seems to make me feel better, even though two of them are quite sad, and one isn't sad, but I can't say it's all sunshine and joy. Nonetheless, feeling somewhat better is better than feeling quite sad, so I continue to listen.

Marilynn says I should talk to the doctor about it and get some medication; part of me knows that may be necessary since the depression has hung on for several weeks now, but I don't feel like it's consistently deep enough to need medication. It's patchy, but always there to a degree, albeit a small one. I'm leaving it off until later; we'll see how it goes.

It may be merely insanity, but Marilynn and I believe we have found a new delicacy: the Sam's Club hot dog. This is one good hot dog; in fact, I've thought about it nearly nonstop since I had one yesterday. Marilynn conveniently didn't take anything out, so we're going to have them today, so I think she's addicted, too. It's a quarter pound of meat-flavored, cereal-filled goodness. (Well, I'm assuming it's got flavorings and fillers; it may be all meat for all I know. What I know for sure is that it's delicious!)

What's it say about me when I'm thinking about a hot dog all day? I guess it beats writing code you're not interested in.

restlessmind