Around 6:55 I pulled into the lot at work, and as I headed around to the parking garage I saw an old, maroon and boxy foreign car, probably a Toyota or Honda. There was someone suspicious sitting in it, and I did what I usually do, which has always been odd for a rationalist like me, but maybe not so odd since I'm trying to open myself up to greater possibilities: I stared at them and sent them a message. You don't belong here, I tried to channel to them. I'm a lot bigger, and if need be, meaner than you. You don't want to hurt me; I don't want to have to hurt you. (As a for-instance, I have this tendency, while driving, to slightly gesture at vehicles that appear to be threatening or will pull out at inopportune times, and exert a little conscious will for them to pause or stay in their lane or what have you. Odd, but hey, it does work.)

They peered back at me. I badged into the garage, let the gate open, and paused until another vehicle was behind me so this car couldn't follow me in.

I promptly forgot about this, drove upstairs to the fourth floor like always, parked and put on my tie that they try to choke me with for no reason. I almost took the stairs, but instead, I took the elevator down. I looked over the side, and saw one of the guards casually strolling towards the gate to watch who comes in and out, like they do every day at 7:00 AM.

Once I headed out of the gate across the breezeway to the building, a woman came out of the stairwell blubbering. I didn't know what to think, but kept walking. I had seen her before, and I thought it was odd she wasn't carrying a purse or tote like everyone else, and I'd seen her do many times.

She ran past me and went into the building, stopping at the guard desk. "...a gun at me!" I heard her say as I entered the building lobby. The guard at the desk spoke into his radio while running outside. I stood around in a crowd that was gathering while I heard what happened - someone robbed this lady in our parking garage.

Someone who was in that car I stared down.

We've had a couple feel-good emails sent out at work about how there will be therapists on site to help deal with the "robbery" (those quotes belong to the organization, not me! They don't seem to be taking this entirely seriously), and the company refuses to put this incident on Crime Stoppers, because they don't want the publicity. Rumor has it that the victim was told that if she made more of it by reporting it to Crime Stoppers herself, or going more public, then she could be terminated under the clause that doing anything to make a bad image for the organization could result in firing.

Meanwhile, we all work in gang central down near the Beltway and 59 South. This isn't even the first incident in this place -- people have thefts from or stereos taken from their cars in the garage quiet a bit where the cameras can't see, and occasionally you see smashed auto window glass in the parking lot (probably someone working late night at the support center having a window smashed).

What have they done besides these counselors they mentioned? All that we can see is that they called the police and are locking the foot traffic gate to the garage, and we're all supposed to badge in at the gate and not follow anyone in. Big whoop.

I like my job and coworkers. That being said, I don't feel compensated highly enough for it; a quick online survey of jobs being offered online shows that I should be making about $20-30K more a year for the work I do. They started making us wear ties just because the decrepit old prune of a CEO says that we should wear ties, because apparently he doesn't understand the high-tech job market, and he's a Baptist conservative with a corncob up his ass. Also, the economy, despite some occasional signs of recovery, still sucks, and the job market even moreso.

I tough it out because of the people and the skills I'm developing. Start making me feel threatened at work, though, and I have to do what's right for me. If safety, money and environment all go, then why do I stay?

Stability, maybe? I have a tendency to job-hop when I get upset; Marilynn says one of us needs a stable job; and I really do like my job. (I've even commented that if one of the strictly development groups offered me a job, I'd refuse it, even though it is more money -- there is far more I can contribute in this group for the time being.)

I just don't like feeling that I'm on a team that plays dirty like this.

And now for the odd introspection to go with this entry -- I've been writing about how I am opening myself up to new possibilities, possibilities I always pondered but dismissed out of hand.

Now I have to wonder if the way I do this -- "you don't want to hurt me," for instance -- isn't too me-centric. What if I had done it, saying that this person didn't want to harm anyone? What if I hadn't exerted will at all, and let free will take over?

And all the while, conjecture like this still sounds a bit on the insane side to me.

restlessmind