Today was an extremely frustrating day, in that while my mind felt alive and was actually working, where I felt I could actually tackle things, there was some part of me that was saying, "give it up, you think I'm going to let you do that?"

Thus, I spent most of the day feeling like I could really get out and do things, and spent a lot of time working out ideas and thinking about where do I go from here. It drove me up the wall, because I feel there is so little I can really do about it, at least in the short term.

Most people look at me funny when I tell them that I quit listening to the news because it's so tiring. I guess it's something that you have to experience to understand, fully. Since the news is infotainment now, they try to make you feel something, instead of actually inform you sometimes. Sometimes, feeling something takes much more energy than I have to devote to it. A f'rrinstance? On a local radio station's news today, they ran a local story about an organization called "Justice For All", a "victim's rights" group. They have an internet petition that they want people to sign to pressure eBay to stop letting people sell crime memorabilia on the site, and to donate all the fees they've gotten from the sale of such items to victim's rights groups (i.e., I think JFA wants their cut of the e-commerce pie). It was further intimated that if they didn't comply, they'd seek legal remedies (i.e., legislation) to keep this stuff from being sold. Realize that this stuff isn't illegal. JFA just doesn't like it, so of course, they want to step all over somebody's rights to free speech and commerce to make themselves feel better. (Ironic name, "Justice For All", when they think something like that.) Some of the things you can get are heinous, or at least highly disturbing; if you ever read Factsheet Five and ordered or traded for 'zines, you'd see some that specialized in those, or maybe even ordered some out of morbid curiosity. Some of them, and the stuff they talk about, are demented in the extreme. So is the other memorabilia about serial killers, homicidal maniacs, spree rapists, etc. The difference between me and them is that I don't deny anybody's right to have access to such material, because there are people who'd probably think anything I read I shouldn't be able to (for instance, poorly-informed people calling high-speed interconnect systems like Myrinet and Beowulf cluster computing in general being called bad because someplace like India or Iraq or China can use it to get "supercomputer strength systems" to build nuclear weapons. Obviously these people don't have a good grasp on the difference between clusters of workstations and the idea of vector processors generally used for such simulations. But I digress). Well, I went to their site to see this so-called petition that's going to crush eBay. It said there had been 36 people there since it was started in November sometime. Yeah, lots of pressure there, guys. Instant moneymaking business idea I will pursue if eBay knuckles under to this ridiculous pressure: an auction site that specializes in crime memorabilia. I'll run it on an overseas host if I have to. Gurugrrl might object, but this is a principle thing to me. I am very big on freedom of speech, and I'd love to wave a big ol' middle finger at them and their attempts to censor what people can buy. Stuff like this pisses me off, saps my energy and makes me wonder if the world has gone mad. What's more, the station has an obvious agenda to get people to go to this damned petition, because obviously people aren't flocking to sign it. They're trying to manufacture news. Another reason to be the media, rather than just consume it. My reaction shows me that even though I may be getting better a little bit, but I'm certainly not well yet, because something as laughable as this shouldn't inspire a rant in me. As Homer Simpson said, "eh, what are you gonna to do?" (I didn't link to JFA's website because I don't respect them enough to do so. If you really care, go look it up. And by the way, "victim's rights" aren't delineated in the law because they don't need any special rights to protect them, they're protected already. It's why we have a legal system and law enforcement agencies. The accused and convicted perpetrators have rights set down because the idea of the accused or guilty isn't popular, and the masses can't see the wisdom or requirement for those rights to exist to assure freedom for everyone else.)

I blame it on listening to the news.

Actually, it comes from hearing about "Blue Gene," a new computer IBM plans to build to help with computational biology and tackle the Supercomputing grand challenge problem of protein folding. The idea of a petaflop computer is just too sweet, even if it's single-purpose and built around the purpose.

When I heard the news about this new initiative, I got really excited. Then I started to wonder what happened to me? I used to want to do things like this, and here I sit.

So I guess, even though I complained the other day about everybody asking me when I'm going back to school, I started to think about it myself, and what to do about the whole, sordid affair.

I know it'd be pointless to study physics, because I can't be a physicist. I'm too old to do it, and I don't think it's really what I'm about anymore.

A degree in math has certain uses, but isn't good for an only degree. Anyway, I don't think I'd enjoy pure math anymore, and would have to go applied mathematics, and if you're going to get in that deep, you might as well study physics, engineering or economics, anyway.

The university I went to, and surely the one I'd end up going back to, has a really bad computer science department. Well, I guess the department is okay, except that the courses are rooted firmly in the traditions of the 1970s, there isn't enough hardware to go around and the student-to-faculty ratio sucks.

So I came upon a decent idea. What about computer engineering? The university has a decent EE department, from what I know you can specialize somewhat, and for the most part, you walk in for a job that you can get with a CS degree, and an EE or CompE degree is just as good, if not better. Not to mention that deep knowledge of hardware (or, actually, enough background such that I can pursue deep knowledge in the areas of my interest) is one of the big things I lack. So maybe it's a good idea.

Well, all except that problem of not being able to hold together a mood for more than three weeks before it falls apart, and I quit going. You know, with semesters being fifteen weeks and all, that takes the wind out of the sails. And this doesn't even go into the money thing.

So this is an open problem.

Speaking of making some money and weird pieces of hardware, I had one of those shopping trips at the grocery that makes me think "there has to be a technical solution to this." You see, I was looking for hair spray.

Sounds innocuous enough, doesn't it? All I wanted is a pump bottle of Consort hair spray (about the only men's hair spray I've ever seen, and the aerosol cans have this stuff in them that chokes you, since they can't use CFCs anymore to propel the stuff), and I'm not really interested in going to Wal*Mart where I usually get it (not to mention all the cold stuff I bought, and the infinite waits in line at Wal*Mart), so I figure I'll just get some at the grocery.

So, fool that I am, I walk down the toiletries aisle at the grocery store and come to stand in front of the veritable wall of hair care products. They have dozens of types of shampoos, conditioners, hair sprays, styling gels and other assorted products for dry, regular, and oily hair. But my hair spray is nowhere to be seen.

Have I ever mentioned I get grouchy in situations like this?

I start walking up the aisle looking for it, grumbling to myself and wondering if I should just start spraying random cans of hair spray to see if it's scented like lilacs or something when I finally eye it on a top shelf halfway down the aisle, over the shavers.

There is enough "female" personal care products on this aisle that if they fell on me all at once you couldn't positively identify what was left for a death certificate, but the men's section is about four feet wide, and about three-fifths of that space is taken up with a pegboard with various shavers. I could load the whole kit and caboodle up in my cart.

What's up with that? Am I fundamentally wrong in thinking that there isn't enough "male" products that they couldn't sort it back in with the rest? Most guys should be okay with pulling blades for their Sensor razor off the same rack that holds Epilady blades, and my life would have been much happier if they had a small section for my hair spray with the rest of them. But no, they have to separate them out.

I had similar problems with finding a bottle of cheese sauce (I like my hot dogs ala James' Coney Island (I don't think there are better hot dogs around town, but eat the chili at your own risk), so that means lots of liquid cheese).

Sorry, I have to ask this, but what is it about Velveeta that makes it unnecessary to refrigerate? Is Velveeta even biodegradable?

Are they with the cheese? No. Okay, then, near the cheese? As if! It was on the row with the baking goods. Granted, it's on the very end, but what makes them connect baking goods and bottles of cheese sauce and boxes of Velveeta?

Stores just aren't laid out how you'd expect. They may be laid out how the largest subset of shoppers would expect, but even if that's 50%-70% of your customers, you're losing 30%-50%, right?

Now, there are ways around this. Put product in multiple locations where someone may want to get it. This requires more space, and raises recurring costs appreciably (not to mention the concept of selling shelf space and placement). You could have people to ask where things are (good luck! Tried finding people to ask where something is in a store lately?), but that raises recurring costs a fair bit, too. Or you could go for the technical solution, a refinement on a system I know already exists.

Imagine I own a grocery chain, Lotsafood. I get these little computers that attach to the carts that have my shopping list in it through some means (maybe it's uploaded to Lotsafood via the 'net or through their website, or maybe I tell it my list through voice activated interface or a touch screen menu of some sort, or maybe I put in my smart card or a compact flash memory card that has it stored on it, built with some custom applet from the grocery store). These computers are in constant network communication via encrypted radio links with the store's centralized server, that tracks stock, trends in buying, etc., but also has an interesting property. It knows where everything is.

Each cart can pick up small transponders on each aisle, maybe five per aisle. They tell the cart how far down it is. On the screen of the little computer, it shows where things are on a map of the aisle. You can walk up and down the aisles, finding things as you go, and if you miss something, the computer on the cart reminds you. It could even show you the fastest way to get all your items (if it's a large store).

Of course, given the current state of crass marketing, it'll probably show you things like suggested purchases to go along with what you're buying (it'll look at your purchases, query a server of ingredients in recipes, and decide you're going to cook turkey dinner, and try to ask you if you want to buy any stuffing, because your shopping records don't show you bought any recently). Goody, banner ads at the grocery store.

There are definite privacy concerns here, but I'm sure there are possibilities for making the experience anonymous (such as being able to simply insert a storage card into the device, or upload an anonymous shopping list that is recallable by keyphrase, and using a different keyphrase each time you upload the list, or simply keying in a new list every time as an anonymous user, or only the items you can't find, since I'm sure the old fashioned shopping list isn't going away, although as we get more smart appliances and such, the list will be automagically generated).

Most of this is using off the shelf technology, at least the first- and even second-generation non-gee-whiz versions. Why aren't people doing it? Hellifino. Well, no, I think I know. The problem is that there's no infrastructure.

I am starting wonder if there really is an impending market for ubiquitous computing. There has to be that pesky information infrastructure for it, and the problem with most forms of computer technology is that it has to be maintained. Not every mom-and-pop grocery is going to want to have to hire an IT guy, or even have one on-call for the area or contract with somebody to do it. Also, the sorts of databases we're talking about require administration and are big, need to be backed up regularly, etc.

That's all Real Work�. Most people don't want to adopt a new way of doing something if it's Real Work�, especially if the old way doesn't bother them (Krogers knows that if I can't find something I may leave and go to H.E.B. to get it, but they also know somebody will come in if they can't find something at H.E.B. and get it there, so they probably figure it balances out).

So I can see serious resistance to stuff like this. This is a trivial example. What if you could things like listen to all your own music at work. I don't mean a specialized 40-songs repeating ad infinitum, ad nauseum that you can get via satellite receiver at some corporations, but your own music collection. At work. Pumped in over the network.

How about in the car? At the park? At the store?

What about being able to have one device you keep with you to act as a pager, phone, digital camera, GPS/map device, media playback device (audio and video), audio memo-taking device, email and internet surfing terminal and security panic button, plus a few other functions I'm sure I've forgotten?

What if you could wear it instead of stick it in a pocket? What if it was secure so if you lost it nobody else could use it or get the data in it?

But people resist the notion. It bothers me that people fear change so much.

restlessmind