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"Can't we all just get along?"
02:30:00 on 1999-10-25
Okay, I need to rant. Again.
I wrote this in the cast list about Moogie: "Tends to assume what you're doing is never as urgent or important as what she has on her schedule."
Case in point...
My sleep has been erratic and uneven lately, as it usually is when my moods are variable. I went to bed around 8:00 AM this morning, and then got up just before 7:00 PM tonight. I was freaking because "Felicity" was about to come on (yes, I watch "Felicity", get over it), so I was running around trying to get situated to watch.
Well, Moogie watches it, too (uhh, why didn't she wake me to watch it? I guess it was just to inconvenent to wake me up to see it), so I am sitting in the living room with her for a full hour watching this. At 8:00 I get up and come back to my dungeon to watch "The X-Files," and at 9:00 PM I go to get a shower and get ready so I can run into town to do some errands getting ready for tomorrow, because I have a fairly full plate tomorrow.
Around 9:30 I am walking for the front door, dressed and ready to go, and she asks me, "where are you going?"
"I am going to get some money for tomorrow, and spray some of the big crud off the car and get something to eat since there isn't anything here."
"You could fix you some vegetables to go with grilled chicken," she growled. She'd grilled some chicken while we were watching Felicity, because I'd already mentioned I was going to be busy the next day and I didn't know if I'd have time to fit it in or not.
"Yeah, I might, but I need to go do all this." I didn't feel like debating and defending everything I have to do. Anyway, I wanted to go so I could get back in case Gurugrrl was around. I was really missing her tonight for some reason.
"Oh, well, I thought you'd go with me to feed the dogs, but I guess that's too much to ask, I don't want to trouble you." My grandparents had left early Sunday to spend some time in Louisiana, and of course, it falls on us to take care of all their animals. However, if they'd been gone all day, why didn't she feed them earlier, like, during daylight? Generally the dogs like to go to sleep around dark, not wake up after sleeping for two or three hours, eat and then go back to sleep!
"Fine," I sigh as I turn to walk off down the hall. "Just tell me when you're ready."
"No, go ahead and go."
I just kept walking and didn't look back. "I wouldn't want to put you out."
So I sat down and sulked. It'd be faster for me to just go feed them myself, but I didn't want them to jump on me and make me smell like dog. Finally I decided to just put on different clothes, go feed the dogs, come home, wash my hands and arms off, and put my jeans and shirt back on.
So I do that, and head down the hall. Immediately, she asks, "where are you going?"
"I'm going to feed the dogs. It's faster this way, you finish watching 'The Practice', and I'll feed them so I can go."
"Well, I have to go up there and gather up their garbage for in the morning if they haven't."
What is this? An excuse to keep me here until you're ready to go? I threw my hands in the air and asked her to tell me when she was leaving and turned and came back to the dungeon again, checking on my downloads.
I checked them, until I realized that it was a couple minutes past ten and she hadn't told me she was leaving. I went to the living room and she was gone. I walked up to my grandparents' house, and she was in the kitchen fixing the dogs' food.
"Why didn't you tell me you were leaving?"
She had on her whiny victim voice. "I don't need you, I can do this myself."
I had just wasted more than a half hour so she could play some stupid I'm-being-victimized mind game with me.
I turned, came home, put on my original clothes, and walked out of the house.
When I was heading to my car, Moogie was coming back up towards our house. "Your grandmother baked you a cake." Entire mood shift.
I can't do this right now, so I ignored her, and got in the car.
I drive by her, and she's yelling, "be careful!" Yeah, whatever.
Sometimes, I hate to say it, but I think I know why my father left her. (Not that he's any better.)
I know what she'd say -- "it's not you." As she left she told me not to worry, we're okay. But I can't help but feel that way. Especially when she changed her plans to see me. It feels a little personal. Even if she just has something on her mind, I wish she could feel as though she could talk to me about it.
I think perhaps I did make her a little upset tonight, because I've been down. I've been stressing about various things. I think Mr. Paranoia is making a new assault to take up residence again.
So what do I have to do tomorrow? Well, I didn't plan this day to be this way, it just worked out this way. Roughly, I need to wake up around 6:00-6:30 AM, and do the following:
It's all go around here, huh?
I wanted to see if I could stay up all night and finish up the "longer entry" (actually, I have two started, and two more entries (although perhaps not long ones) in mind) and do that proposal I talked about over two weeks ago (!), but I don't think I can, and get all the rest of this done. Sure, I've been sleeping 11-14 hours a day, but I always feel exhausted.
The thing is, once I see "Bringing Out the Dead" I might be able to get some things done. We'll just have to see. I mean, maybe I can get some dishes washed between the movie at 11:30 and getting a shower after getting a haircut. And figure out what to fix for dinner, so I can do some prep work. I might build in some time.
(Why do I feel like I'm sounding like a harried, disgruntled housewife?)
While I was in town I was sitting at the light at the corner of highway 35 and Orange I was listening to something on the radio; I forget what, but it had a high, screeching guitar part.
It was giving me an earache.
Being in that mood, I quipped to myself, "I'm glad men lose the high range of their hearing as they get older." However, given my addiction to high-resolution on inexpensive monitors, I was glad that men don't tend to lose as much visual acuity as women.
Then I thought about it for a moment -- maybe there is a reason for that. Maybe there's evolutionary advantage in that.
Think about it. Men used to have to go out and chase down and hunt prey for food, or fight off enemies in battle. For this they need to pay attention to detail, usually visually, to see fine movements, etc.
Women, on the other hand, took care of chores at home, did food-gathering tasks, child raising, etc. Their attention was elsewhere. To watch for danger, they had to do it while doing these other tasks, which meant they needed to attend to that by hearing.
Even today, men deal with the visual more. We have better three-dimensional perception, we like to watch action (read: sports; although I don't like sports, instead I like video games), we tend to be visually-oriented with the way something is put together or built (we're "hands-on").
Women tend to handle the words and semantic better. They tend to conversation and negotiation. I think they can multitask better in some ways than men can (as in doing the aforementioned tasks), where men are sometimes more focused. Women seem to learn through others rather than hands-on take-it-apart-and-hack-it.
Even things we do to please our mates is built into this, I think. Women tend to think they must be pretty and dressed in finery to make themselves attractive to men, while it seems that (at a certain point, anyway, once they grow out of their "he's an asshole, isn't he the greatest?" phase) women like men who talk and share their feelings and can be close and true to them.
Okay, so I'm making gross generalizations, here.
When I get back, apparently her mood is shifted back to the way it was before. I come in with a Jack In the Box bag. She sees it and says, "oh, no thanks, I didn't want any. I guess what I fixed isn't good enough for you." While I was gone she fixed sides to go with the chicken. Not like I was supposed to know this, apparently I am supposed to be psychic.
What's worse? I discover that the extra time I missed, about 40 minutes, total, made me miss Gurugrrl. Fortunately, she came back finally, and I got to see her a while. Although now I'm wondering what I've done to upset her, because when she hadn't seen me she said she'd see me the next day, and now she says she needs some personal time.
Why do I think about these things? I have no idea.
Ancient history:2013-03-01 "You'll be stone dead in a moment!" 2007-08-07 I covet fuck you money 2007-07-16 My own long, dark tea-time of the soul 2007-07-11 My internet experience is lacking 2007-07-10 Coincidence
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