I called 800/547-8118 and got "Caitlin," the automated voice response system that can't understand the ID of my XM Radio. Great. Finally, I just intoned, "operator!" and it transferred me directly to a customer service representative. An Indian one (slurpie, not casino).

She is rattling off the screen all their regular deals about renewal. "Yeah, but I know about the $77 per year deal with code ZWINBACK. I want that one."

I was told I can't have it.

I asked her, "You mean to tell me I have to let my XM expire to get that?"

"All I can do for your account is renew it at the rates of..." and she begins rattling off her script again.

I grouched at her angrily. "I'll let it expire. Thanks." In her sunniest voice she wished me a happy day and I swear she was about to ask me if I wanted to add another receiver to my account. If I hadn't hung up and she was across a counter from me I would have cut her, I swear.

Fortunately, later I called 800/682-4114. Not only did "Caitlin" not ask me my radio code, but I was immediately put on the phone with a guy named Josh with a west coast accent and boredom in his voice who accepted the code right away and took my credit card information. Finally!

Why can't they just do that to begin with? The funny bit is that overall, XM pays the same amount for their hardware, the satellites are already paid to be put in orbit... a lot of their costs are fixed. The only excess charge of me being a customer is retention costs (service and billing) and whatever per-subscriber content charges they're paying. They bleed money like a sieve if people don't renew. Thus, I understand why it's in their best interests to get you to pay as much as possible, but it's not in their interest if I just let my subscription expire and I use the auxiliary cable connecting to the XM unit in my dash to connect to an MP3 player, now, is it?

Today I am really down. I'm not sure why, but I am. It must show, because last night Marilynn said that maybe I need more Wellbutrin. Right now I just feel like I'm past my sell-by date.

Sigh.

I don't know why I'm so down, really. Part of it is that I am tired of wasting my career at a place that won't spend money on basic tools and hardware to make our work a better place and manage things more properly, or even give us a chance to back up and get organized or get management buy-in or backbone to accomplish anything. There's lip-service paid, but nothing happens.

I don't get to upgrade my skills. It's making me crazy. I don't get to go to classes anymore. I feel like I'm being kept around for the times I'm useful and other than that... well, don't let Mike do anything new, he might leave.

Part of it is that I don't feel like I am recognized or appreciated. I am chained to a desk writing code and somebody else always gets the credit. Nobody knows who I am, and the few who do won't appreciate me until I have gone.

What makes it worse is that when I do do something, people don't use it. Or don't tell me if it stops working. Or when I make a suggestion it's ignored... until somebody else makes it. Or when I do something interesting it gets taken away and given to somebody else.

It's all a popularity contest. However, the thing is that I don't do well in popularity contests.

I don't think this is going to get better until I just leave. I know this intellectually, but it's so hard to act on as it is right now.

Why is it that the sound clip at the start of "Gin and Juice" makes me need to go urinate?

restlessmind