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Diaryland is da bomb I just *have* to tell you how much this all sucks. Who're these other people he's writing about? Who's the freak writing this, anyway? What's gone before. What's going on right now? Where do *you* visit on the web? What're you building right now?


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Another smart-assed remark from Mike
Phoning it in for fun, profit and sanity
19:00:00 on 2006-11-20

My follow-up visit with the doctor today came out pretty well. My tests all looked good (except my triglyceride levels were a touch high, but that is probably because of diet), so overall, I'm doing pretty well, he said. In fact, he said with the Wellbutrin I might be in a place where I can stick with a diet more readily, and I think he might be right.

Today when I got back, I mentioned to a couple coworkers that I've been taking "Fukitol" for the last three weeks, so I'm trying to not let things at work bother me — basically, I come in, do my work and go home. I have come to realize that yes, there's really nothing I can do to make it a better place for me to work long-term, I'm not fulfilled by my work, and I'm "phoning it in," in a sense, so it's time to get myself together so I can be productive in a new organization.

Also, I realized that yes, the management where I work thinks that everybody who works here is a do-gooder that works here because they want to work for a not-for-profit health care provider. I think they really do. Well, they probably do so they push for employees who fit that mold, I'm sure. When I told Marilynn that, she said, "it's all about the Benjamins," with a slight air of boredom in her voice. I think she's tired of hearing about me hating my job, actually.


So, I've decided that I need a shift that befits my INTP and Architect temperament sensibilities. Basically, I've decided that I'd probably be happier if I were developing products instead of implementing code to meet some silly management mandate or fix problems somebody else caused.

However, over the weekend I realized that what I miss is being more intellectually active. Perhaps it's that I don't feel that I'm metaphorically trying to "WNP"? Perhaps I just believe that if I work on Crap v4.0 (now with more misfeatures!) will make me remembered, while figuring out a way to turn off the wireless radios here at work by groveling in the innards of the Windows device driver development kit won't. The fact is, neither of them will.

Therefore, I am going to try to read and learn more things. Back in my early-to-mid twenties when I thought that I could start up a company someday and do something "great," I read a lot and kept current in a wide spectrum of technology. I investigated new areas that would play into the ideas that I was having. I wrote quite a bit, and committed my thoughts to paper along with plans and references (which tended to get purged later, but that's another story). I tried to start learning about how the business works and read research in areas I found interesting. I was trying to ride the edge.

Of course, if I would have played my cards right and taken the plunge at some point, I could have been a member of the dot-com boom, and maybe something would have come of it all. However, I didn't persevere. I pussied out. I didn't keep putting forth the effort to stay current or put myself in a place where I could actively take part, and I became the couch potato who is writing this now. Perhaps I need to change that.

A fortune cookie on my desk exhorts: "Don't wait for success, start ahead without it." It's a simple idea, but true.


Last Monday I heard from a company that found my resume and wanted to talk to me about a development position. The position is in my neck of the woods, but their corporate headquarters are in Pennsylvania so I can't really call from a phone here. I tried to call throughout Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursday but to no avail. Friday I forgot the cell phone at home, which I normally don't carry (Marilynn does), but when I got home no calls were missed, so I blew it off that they weren't interested or so disorganized that it's not worth pursuing.

Of course, they call today, while she has the phone.

Tomorrow I'll bring the phone and call. A coworker offered to let me use hers to call them, but I declined. It was already late there, and I can just call tomorrow. Anyway, all I need is to get the HR rep's voice mail again and whatever ANI they have in place automagically tags said coworker's number and they start calling her rather than me!

Would I be happy there? They write medical software, so the industry wouldn't strictly change, although the role would be different. However, given that it takes a long time to come up to speed in a dev team, I'd probably not find it any more rewarding than what I am doing now, at least not for a while.

So... what to do? Tough it out where I am? Keep on keeping on and find the right job for me? Do my own thing, and perhaps in time it will grow to me going my own way?

The answer is a total, unequivocal yes.

restlessmind


Ancient history:
2013-03-01"You'll be stone dead in a moment!"
2007-08-07I covet fuck you money
2007-07-16My own long, dark tea-time of the soul
2007-07-11My internet experience is lacking
2007-07-10Coincidence



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