15 Megs of Fame




Diaryland is da bomb I just *have* to tell you how much this all sucks. Who're these other people he's writing about? Who's the freak writing this, anyway? What's gone before. What's going on right now? Where do *you* visit on the web? What're you building right now?


New! Search this site:



Subscribe to the notify list for announcements of updates and changes




Buy Blue


Make me a friend on Twitter.





Another smart-assed remark from Mike
"Emergency surgery." Uh huh. Sure.
23:00:00 on 2005-01-12

Today was the day that Marilynn was supposed to have her second after-surgery follow-up with the neurosurgeon. Unfortunately, the doctor canceled because of a throw-down golf game an "emergency surgery," so she had to reschedule for Monday. She gets another weekend of worry, I get to take more time off work, and it looms closer to Thursday, which is the day her work seems to have penciled her in to come back, even though it's supposed to be preliminary based on what the doctor says.

Great! At least my PTO is holding out.

I am worried about my monkey girl.


Tonight we went to Spaghetti Warehouse and to see the movie "Sideways". I guess it was supposed to be like date night, but it didn't quite feel like that.

Partly, I wanted Marilynn to have something to eat she wanted, since she has been home for so long; partly, I wanted to fill some pit in me that feels empty and just wants to be satiated any way that's quick and easy. I have this feeling that depression is overtaking me. It's not fast, but it's insidiously creeping up on me. It's making me grouchy and sad.

What isn't helping is that I am on the downward slope of the diet. When I was dieting before the holidays I was losing weight and had the desire to even go work out at the workout room at our complex (an odd thing for me!), even though we didn't do it often because of Marilynn's surgery and sudden lazy streaks I'd get. Now I am feeling less compelled to keep up with eating right, I am not seeing results anymore and I have absolutely no desire to exercise. I know part of it is my activity level, and even more so, it's eating out at lunchtime at work and our jaunts out to eat dinner in the evening because I am emotionally drained at the end of the day1. I'm seeing the effects of it on my bank account, too2. I need to stop!

The movie was good, though. I identified a little too much with the character Miles, in the way he felt about himself and the situations he found himself in. Confidence didn't exude from him, and when he dropped Jack off at Christine's house at the end of the movie, the sadness in his eyes struck a chord. I know exactly what that feels like. I wish I didn't, but I know it well.


All in all, there is a sadness resonating through me. It has no center, but I know part of it is attached to the creative process. I've been stifled at work again, and I have so many things I want to accomplish there and here at home that I don't know where to begin. It's very overwhelming.


There's thunder outside due to a storm coming through town (cooler weather again — finally!), so I will cut this short and turn in. Another long day is ahead of me tomorrow at work.


1 Here's an interesting article I found on Witchvox. I understand and agree with the article essentially in full. If only I could heed this and pursue my "Great Work" then I'd be happier.

2 Like I can even talk about that — I just dropped almost a hundred bucks at Amazon.

restlessmind


Ancient history:
2013-03-01"You'll be stone dead in a moment!"
2007-08-07I covet fuck you money
2007-07-16My own long, dark tea-time of the soul
2007-07-11My internet experience is lacking
2007-07-10Coincidence



<< Before nowAfter now >>