• Connie let the red wash out of her hair. It's just as well - it wasn't really her. Anyway, I really like her the way she is.
• The headaches after sex went away once I started breathing properly. It's scary that one can be too preoccupied to attend to autonomous bodily functions. [smirks]
• Right now I should be headed out to pick up my new car. Of course, I can't because of Tropical Storm Allison. (Yes, the transmission went out on the Restlessmobile (again), so I am getting a '98 Pontiac Grand Prix GT. So much for saving up for a new car.)
• The whole Mother's Day thing? Well, that's a longer story...

So what was up? Well, basically, I decided to spend the weekend of Mother's Day with Connie instead of Moogie. You see, she was basically trying to guilt me over putting the house together and spending so much time with Connie, so there was a big argument.

Well, supposedly we ironed this out (after a couple weekends of this recurring, at least), but it's becoming an issue again.

First off it's the car thing. My grandmother seems pissed off I'm getting a new car rather than fixing the Restlessmobile, a '91 Olds with 142,500 miles on it. She'd rather I sink money into that. Moogie is sort of pissed about it, too, I think, because it means that I will be cash-strapped for the foreseeable future.

Let's add something else to it - my grandmother started asking me last night if I had any girlfriends here in Houston, with the subtle implication that if I hadn't been driving out to Hallettsville all these months then my car would still be running. Add to this that she has been dissing on us ("first thing you know, that new car will need struts," the implication being the pointing out that we're both overweight), and it was a little hurtful.

"Are you saying I should dump Connie?" I asked my grandmother with a slight tone of disbelief in my voice.

"Oh, no, I'd never ask you to do that. Everybody's got to do what they think they need to do."

I've had similar, slight comments from my mother. I'm getting a little pissed.

I think Connie hit this nail on the head, though - they're jealous. Jealous that once again I have a steady relationship, that I will be getting a vehicle better than theirs (knock on wood), that things might work out. They have to make life miserable in subtle ways.

What do you do about depression your own relatives have towards the woman in your life, or the fact that you don't want to buy a piece of crap vehicle? I am at a total loss. I'm so tired of the interference.

Speaking of life being miserable, depression's begun to be a problem again. It's not permeating every fiber of my life like it used to, but it could probably wend its way up there again.

I'm very demoralized about my job. The office politics are omnipresent here, I'm not getting to work on the sorts of things I thought I would be (and it was mentioned in our group meeting today that the projects that I am getting to work on will be phased out soon enough), and it's been shown that my manager has no clue about the IS portal project I'm supposed to develop. I'm having serious doubts about continuing my employment with this organization.

Add to that the car problems, the stupid jealousies in my family, some fights that Connie and I had about our future together, and general money worries... and you're getting the idea.

Basically, I'm tired of my life being chaotic. Things never settle down, I stay on edge constantly. It's getting to the point where I'm having the racing thoughts and just want to hide, or rather sleep. I'm considering starting my medication again.

I just want things to settle down. I want work to turn routine and normal. I want the whole automotive saga to be over. At least things with Connie seem to be coming down to an even keel again. (Knock on wood, again.)

An aside from the "Lisa is a totally hypocritical bitch" page, I was doing a web search on people I know or knew, as I am wont to do sometimes. I found some posts to a mailing list that she'd written after we broke up regarding her arthritis. She was talking about how her depression was so bad, and she was seriously considering antidepressants. In time she did the mumbo-jumbo treatment route, though.

Ms. "Put Nothing In My Body That's Not Natural" was going to take chemicals. The shame! It's even more rich considering that she asked me to stop taking mine (which I did).

The more I think about it, the luckier I am that all contact with her was broken off.

And now, I bid my adieu. I need to drive home in the tropical storm in a borrowed car. Let's hope I even make it home.

restlessmind