First, I signed up to be poked, prodded and judged at ianomalous.

I hate being judged. Like, at work - when there's nobody else taking a call, I hate for my phone to ring. I hate for everybody to be listening to me. Then again, I tend to do a lot of listening to the callers, and then roll out one line to answer them, which is unlike most everybody else, who talks incessantly. It's just my style.

But I figure... why not? It'll be fun.

Next, Gurugrrl won't give up. She really wants to be friends for some reason. Why can't she let go? Why can't she understand how hard this is?

And being the idiot I am, I know I'll end up giving in. I always do. Anything for somebody I really love. Even if they don't love me anymore.

And finally, I'm a glutton because I'm having a contest. Two, actually.

For the first one, the first person to send me a link of chain via snailmail wins. The link can be shiny galvanized, rusty, whatever. It just has to be high-gauge (no dog chain), standard ovoid-link chain, and just one link. Don't send me two or twenty and tell me to cut one link off. Duh. If I wanted to do that, I could have already.

What will you win? I have no idea. What's this for? I need a better chain for my development journal.

For the second one, we're having the first annual "Send Restless Weird Stuff" contest. Send me anything weird, given a few constraints:

• Nothing illegal. I'll report it to the police.

• Nothing alive. I'll refuse delivery.

• Nothing dangerous. I'll report it, too.

• Nothing to do with bodily fluids, body parts, etc. I'll freak out and send you something alive, illegal or dangerous.

• Nothing expensive, as prizes certainly won't be.

• No software. I'm not loading foreign media into Gillian.

• Nothing I can't open at the post office, as I'll open it there first.

• Nothing anonymous. You have to have a return address with a name and preferably a URL on the outside of the package. If there isn't, I'll trash it at the post office.

Prizes to be determined.

All entries will be determined by amusement level of said mail. First, second and third places will be awarded. Nothing will be returned, and if you send postage to return it I'll use it and giggle.

The first contest runs until I get a good chain link. The second runs until May 1, 2000. Send things to:

Renaissance Geek Consulting
P.O. Box 3098
Pearland, TX 77588-3098

Heaven help me.

restlessmind