Everybody's going through a problem right now. It's strange.

I mean, sure, I've been going through my usual continuing funk, along with a few new items to add in with it, but so is Gurugrrl (I guess; don't get me started on her right now), Crafty, Violet, Eleanor, Poet... it's uncanny.

The thing is, everybody seems to have these events that have triggered their problems, they're not really natural cycles. But this is the third or fourth time (at least!) that I've noticed this trend. We're not bringing each other down, because we don't generally tend to all interact together online a lot. Although there is some interaction between many of them, it wouldn't be enough for them to be bringing each other down.

I swear it was in a sociology class where I learned that sometimes in a clique of women, their menstrual cycles will all gradually shift to that of the most dominant personality in the group. This reminds me of that so much -- it seems that all our moods are interlinked somehow.

I've asked most of them if they've noticed this, too, and nobody seems to have a good answer for it, other than laughing it off or ignoring the question entirely. So either this is in my mind (which I really think it's not), or I guess we're all wrapped up in our own stuff to contemplate it.

Earlier this year, I used to frequent a couple depression chat rooms. At the time, I was a mess; things weren't going well at all, and I was just falling apart. I really needed them.

Once I got over my initial hump and felt a little better, I wanted to help some of these people that I'd built some relationships with. A lot of people found that they could talk with me. (Oddly enough, Becky, the last therapist I went to, asked me if I ever considered going into clinical psychology since I didn't seem to be thrilled with physical sciences or computer science.) Apparently, I am easy to talk to, or I listen well, or I understand, or something.

I started to have a problem, though -- I would find myself awake nights worrying about other people's problems, what would they do, where would they go, what would become of them if they didn't change or find a solution to their problem?

I think I started to lose it, to be perfectly honest.

Since my exodus from those rooms, those people who I have remained in contact with have told me they think I'm doing quite a bit better. I seem to do better only holding a few peoples' problems in my mind along with my own, rather than a score or more.

I think the trick is, too, when you're doing it between friends, instead of in such an environment, there is more "wiggle room." I can be more straight with somebody I've got a longer-standing relationship with, or make certain suggestions that I would never do if it was somebody who just wandered through the room.

Given my experience with the room I frequented the most, I don't know if I could trust people like I did then. At least I know the people I deal with now are genuine.

Crafty and I considered starting a new place ourselves, but to be honest, I think the project is dead. She is talking about needing something new to focus her time on, and probably spending a lot of time sitting at a computer isn't it. At the same time, I am not sure I am ready to worry about lots of other people's problems again. I know it will happen, it's in my nature.

Am I having a synergistic effect on the mood of those around me? Am I letting my problems bring them down? I hope not. I hope they'd tell me if I were. Maybe my Extreme Suckage Field� is getting out of hand.

I get to housesit for Kirk again Friday and part of Saturday. This means I'll be isolated from Gillian, from my bookmarks, and from everything I usually like to do.

Is it too obvious I'm a geek when I hate to be separated from Gillian for more than 12 hours?

Serious query: how come there isn't a dictionary API in Windoze?

In Word, In WordPerfect, in my text editors, in my email clients... I keep adding the same words, over, and over, and over. Why isn't there a central dictionary system with a well-published API in Windows, that allows for hooks for different uses?

I am getting extremely agitated.

restlessmind